Finding Self-Trust

April 3, 2023 CCL

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

One of the most damaging things about believing the inner critic is that we lose our ability to trust ourselves. Instead, we begin to doubt.

“I’m not loveable.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“I’m not good enough to be accepted.”

Believing the inner critic means we are never really free from shame and unworthiness. This damages our felt sense of value, peace, self-trust, and most of all, safety. Over time this loss separates us from who we truly are. …

When it’s all TOO MUCH

March 27, 2023 CCL

Sad / worried pug in contemplation wrapped in blanket — Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

When I consider the pain and suffering in our world, I feel overwhelmed, afraid, helpless, frustrated, lost, and in grief and disbelief. I need the madness to stop. But I, myself, can’t make it stop. Still, I need something I can do. I need simple, compassionate, and doable strategies—many small ways in which I can bring peace into my life and perhaps into the life of others. Kindness is one answer. And one way to practice kindness is with the Metta Meditation. …

On “Being Right”

March 20, 2023 CCL

Older man with glasses leaning around corner hand over mouth, surprised — Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

One challenging invitation to accept in peacemaking is to let go of being right. It’s complicated but being right is a strategy we use to feel seen and valued, which can translate into feeling safe. We use it to feel safe with experiences that oppose our beliefs about how things should be. As a safety strategy, it’s difficult to let go of.

In our culture it’s not uncommon to judge others when they act differently than they’re “supposed to.” …

Listening without Joining the Judgment

March 13, 2023 CCL

Two women talking at an outdoor table — Photo by Metin Ozer on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

In Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication, judgments are expressions of needs or values; however, they include a right/wrong, good/bad element that separates us from the humanity of the situation. Since all actions are efforts to meet universal human needs or values, judgments can separate us from that perspective and cut us off from our compassion. How can we acknowledge someone’s experience without reinforcing the judgment? …

Peace through Listening

March 6, 2023 CCL

Woman upset with head in her hands, friend comforting her in background — Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

Listening to someone who is hurting can be a rare and welcome gift. Listening to suffering can also be challenging; Our hearts often hurt when we are near hurting hearts. Of course, we want to make things better, to reduce their suffering. That can prompt us to give advice, tell them it will be okay, join their judgments, explain, tell our stories, etc. All these actions are attempts to help the person feel better—and sometimes they do.

With Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication we try to first listen to the hurting person with empathy. …

Listening with Presence

February 27, 2023 CCL

BW photo: Domestic rabbit with one large ear up and one down — Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What is it like when you are having a conversation with someone, and they are multi-tasking—perhaps looking at their phone or typing on their computer?

It probably depends on the kind of conversation. There are conversations that don’t require full attention. With the busyness of the world, we might be used to multi-tasking our communications while doing other things, and it can work.

However, if it’s something important to you, and someone is giving you partial attention, you might feel frustrated or even hurt because you want connection, consideration, and/or respect. …

Responding rather than Reacting

February 20, 2023 CCL

B&W photo: hand blocking camera, "go away" — Photo by Philbo on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What if someone says something that sparks an immediate emotional response and before any thinking or reflection, you fire back a judgment or an attack in reaction to what they’ve said? Just like that there can be a flurry of words that end in hurt, anger, and disconnection. Haven’t we all been there? …

Try Letting Go

February 13, 2023 CCL

BW photo: Man w/ earphones and backpack juggling next to city street — Photo by Matt Bero on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What are some things we (mostly) have control over? What are some things that we can’t control? … The practice of letting go is often mixed up with needing to be responsible, and that makes it hard. Yes, we do need to take care of things that our life is asking of us. Take getting to work, for example. We decide what time to leave for work and the route we’ll take. However, we don’t have control over whether or not the traffic will interfere with us getting to work on time. …

Creating Space in Your Life

February 6, 2023 CCL

BW photo: Man in old-fashioned dress looking at watch, rushing away from door with suitcase — Photo by Christopher Luther on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

How do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.

How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …

Self-Connection: Time for Feelings & Needs

January 30, 2023 CCL

B&W photo: view from above person in hoodie on laptop sitting, floor is abstract clock — Photo by Kevin Ku on Unsplash

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

As human beings, we rely on our feelings and needs to inform our thinking, speaking, and actions. However, one of the most common challenges we face is having the time to connect with them. Who doesn’t feel rushed or distracted most of the time?

In our culture, it’s common practice to handle overwhelming demands and time constraints by ignoring our feelings and needs. This is one way depression, anxiety, frustration, and depletion become our companions. It’s one reason our mental health gets shaky. Why? Because feelings and needs matter. …

Understanding Moralistic Judgments; Reflections for this Season of Nonviolence

February 23, 2021 Denise Torres

Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. and the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (NVC), made it his life-long endeavor to bring peace by helping people understand the reasons why reactivity, conflict, and most violence arise. He discovered that moralistic judgments are a significant catalyst to conflict and suffering. …

Creating Your Own Season of Nonviolence

March 1, 2018 Denise Torres

I would like to share a poem with you. It’s called “Peace is This Moment Without Judgment,” by Dorothy Hunt.

Do you think peace requires an end to war?
Or tigers eating only vegetables?
Does peace require an absence from
your boss, your spouse, yourself? …