The following excerpts are from an article written for PuddleDancer Press called “Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to Address the Roots and Impacts of Extremism” by Alan Rafael Seid, a CNVC Certified Trainer. We’re reposting it as a series (with permission) in the hopes that you might read and consider each section over time and reflect on how you might use your skills to connect with others during these difficult times. In contribution to this year’s Season of Nonviolence, we’ll archive the series in the SNV section of our website.
Excerpted from Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to Address the Roots and Impacts of Extremism by Alan Rafael Seid. Please visit PuddleDancer Press to learn more about Nonviolent Communication.
How NVC Helps to Identify Unmet Needs Fueling Extremist Behaviors
Nonviolent Communication is not a panacea that solves all problems—and yet, NVC has a critical role to play!
NVC is uniquely positioned to address extremism because it focuses on uncovering the unmet needs beneath human behaviors.
In NVC, every action is seen as an attempt to meet needs, whether security, significance, community, or something else.
By shifting the focus from judgment (“this person is dangerous”) to curiosity (“what needs are they trying to meet?”), NVC creates opportunities for understanding and constructive dialogue.
When we are stuck in static thinking based on rigid ideas of right/wrong, we diminish these opportunities.
NVC as a Process for Identifying Unmet Needs:
1) Observations Without Judgment:
NVC begins by separating facts from interpretations. For instance, instead of labeling someone as “violent,” we might observe specific behaviors like hitting someone, or quoting someone’s call to violence, setting a neutral ground for understanding what we mean specifically.
2) Feelings as Indicators of Needs:
Feelings are signals that underlying needs are met or unmet. For example, feelings of anger or fear may indicate unmet needs for safety or consideration.
3) Uncovering Needs:
Through empathy, NVC allows you or me to identify our unmet needs, and helps others articulate theirs.
What we might refer to as an extremist mindset, for example, may stem from unmet needs for significance, control, or belonging.
This is in no way to excuse or condone behaviors that hurt others! It simply helps us understand what is happening at a deeper level which increases the possibilities for engaging constructively.
4) Making Requests:
Instead of resorting to harmful strategies to meet needs, NVC helps individuals learn to make clear, actionable requests based on connection and mutual understanding. The aim is to arrive at outcomes that are mutually beneficial, and NVC helps us get there more often than not.
In addressing extremism, NVC can help individuals explore what unmet needs their beliefs or actions are trying to fulfill.
By fostering self-awareness and offering alternative strategies for meeting those needs, NVC has the potential to interrupt the cycle of radicalization.
From the standpoint of trying to engage others’ extremist behaviors: part of the idea behind requests is that we are inviting dialog and mutually satisfying outcomes. When we rely on demands, rather than requests, people experience coercion and resentment.
NVC focuses on connection, and when we are connected we act in mutually beneficial ways naturally and spontaneously.
Of course, sometimes we need to use force to protect life. And NVC gives us the distinction between punitive use of force and protective use of force. NVC is not about being permissive or being a doormat.
NVC is about engaging in the wisest, most compassionate way we can find in order to arrive at mutually co-created and collectively beneficial outcomes.
Guided study and practice are the fastest ways to increase your NVC skills so that you can apply them effectively in a range of contexts!
topics in this series:
The role of NVC in discerning truth
Example: A family member confronts misinformation online using empathic listening and curiosity
