Uncertainty during this post-election time

November 11, 2024 Denise Torres

Woman stands alone staring into an orange, foggy distance lit by street lamps — Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Not all roads in life are smoothly paved, as we know. Some are muddy or gravelly or have huge ditches. Sometimes trees have fallen across them or there are live wires nearby. These challenging times can become part of the inner voice that reminds us that bad things happen.

This same voice tells us that terrible things will probably continue to happen, and this worry pushes us to figure out how we can try to prevent them. It’s how the brain’s negativity bias works. …

More on “Do Something!”

October 28, 2024 Bryn Hazell

Woman sitting cross-legged in silhouette facing yellow sunset/sunrise — Photo by @dingzeyuli on Unsplash

I recently wrote an article titled “Do something!” The gist was if we have an unmet need, the action step of NVC—the request—is how we meet the need and how we move from frustration and helplessness toward satisfaction and relief.

For much of my life, I felt helpless when my needs were not met. NVC changed my life by teaching me that I can take action to meet my needs. … If taking a step to meet a need seems to be more than we can manage, then perhaps the first step is to build capacity. …

Racism and Innocence

October 14, 2024 Denise Torres

To introduce this article written by Roxy Manning, PhD, I’d like to share a short story about racism and innocence.

Many years ago, I was at the General Assembly for the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA). The speaker that day was Rev. Rebecca Parker, who was at that time president of the UUA. During her talk, she shared an experience she had while attending a conference on racism.

In one of the workshops, the two presenters, both African American women historians, spoke about the political history of Black women in the United States. …

A helpful reminder during election season

September 25, 2024 Denise Torres

Black and white photo of two wolves interacting in snow — Photo by Guillaume Archambault on Unsplash

A few days ago I received a newsletter from Rick Hanson, PhD entitled “Feed the Wolf of Love.”

It provides a helpful reminder (especially during this election season)…

Compassion for Others—and Self

January 24, 2023 Bryn Hazell

Two puffins talking or squabbling in colorful clover patch — Photo by Wynand van Poortvliet on Unsplash

Sometimes I notice a reluctance to have compassion for another person. I might be afraid that if I have compassion for them, I will lose myself and not have my needs met. I may even have a habit of letting compassion for others stop me from having compassion for myself and speaking up for my needs.

For example: Me – “So the reason you said, ‘Shut up’ to me is that you were tired and overwhelmed and your boss just yelled at you. Is that right?”… I used to stop there and not address how hearing, “Shut up” was for me. …

Antidote to Divisiveness

January 13, 2022 Bryn Hazell

“Nine in ten Americans say overcoming divisiveness is now more important than ever before.”

New Public Agenda/USA Today poll April 2021

CCL Board Member Beth Hanson brought this poll result to my attention and wondered if we could encourage people to see our similarities and commonalities as a way to reduce divisiveness. To me, divisiveness results from a loss of human connection.

One of the many gifts of Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication is bringing awareness to what we share as Americans, as human beings. NVC acknowledges the commonality of feelings and universal human needs. …

Creating Your Holiday

November 9, 2021 Bryn Hazell

One of the gifts of Compassionate/ Nonviolent Communication is utilizing our knowledge of needs to empower ourselves to live our values. We can choose to create our experience by focusing our actions to be in alignment with what we would like in the world. When needs are met, we feel more joyful, satisfied, and peaceful.

Here’s one example of using intentions and actions to create what you want:

Self-Care. Do your best to stay well-rested and relaxed. Prepare for being with others by listening to music, resting, taking a walk, meditating, etc., so your system will support your peaceful heart and your intentions.
Focus on what needs/ values you want to meet, what experience you would like to have. Set your intention and your actions. For example:
- Self-compassion. Acknowledge your feelings/ needs with friendly caring and without judgment. If you are tired or stressed…

Working with the Inner Critic

April 1, 2019 Bryn Hazell

My mind is like a bad neighborhood. I try not to go there alone.”

~ Anne Lamott

Why is our mind sometimes like a bad neighborhood?

Here are two possible reasons: The first is that over the years our brain has evolved so that it can take shortcuts called neuro-habits. …

Welcome to the New Year!

January 1, 2018 Denise Torres

Welcome to the New Year! For some of us, getting to January 1st brings a sigh of relief—the holidays are over and things can get back to normal. For others, it’s the New Year itself that might feel groundless: “Where am I going? What am I doing?” Of course, there are those who embrace it all without distress. However, if you are one of those who struggles with this time of year, I’d like to share an NVC practice that I think might be helpful.

Offering yourself compassion

May 15, 2017 Denise Torres

Recently I was asked, “How do I offer myself compassion?” Before attempting an answer, I want to acknowledge that there can be big obstacles to offering ourselves compassion. Of these, we can include the fact that our negative emotions themselves are very good at capturing our attention—so much so that it may take hours or even days to notice the fact that we’ve been suffering.

Helping others: The gift of listening

January 4, 2017 Denise Torres

A couple of months ago, someone—I’ll call her Gail—asked me if I’d help her with a problem she had. As she talked about her situation, I soon realized that she was so tangled up in it, she couldn’t let go of the story long enough to sort out what she wanted. When I tried guessing what her needs might be she jumped right into judgments. “How could they hire that guy? Don’t they see what a mess he’s making?!” My inquiry only seemed to make things worse.

Becoming the one who can listen first

June 3, 2016 Bryn Hazell

I just attended a wonderful Embodied Life Retreat with Russell Delman at Breitenbush. I had a delicious experience of peace, learning, inspiration, connection, and extraordinary beauty (pink rhododendron explosion)!

The morning before I left, Denise Torres and I met at the Center for our regular planning meeting. We were talking about how we'd like to actively encourage people to take their compassionate practice not only into their personal relationships, but out into our community.

Noticing judgments

May 1, 2016 Denise Torres

Recently I had the good fortune to attend a 3-day Vipassana retreat where we spent a great deal of time in silence and meditation. Because there was so much quiet, it became easier to notice judgments as they arose. “She’s doing it wrong.” “I hate not being able to connect.” “That poor woman looks like she’s really struggling." Noticing this, I would return to my practice, find my center, and start again.