This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
What are some things we (mostly) have control over?
How kind you are to yourself, what you say to others, what you do, how you react.
The boundaries you set, and the priorities you have.
What you eat and how physically active you are.
The time you spend embracing gratitude and compassion.
Your posture—meaning, a lived sense of presence and strength within yourself.
Your sleep.
What are some things that we can’t control?
What others feel, think, say, or do.
What demands others make of us.
The weather and the traffic.
The larger political and social climate.
Things change without our knowledge.
The past.
The future.
Other people’s happiness, ease, comfort, peace, and/or sense of security.
The practice of letting go is often mixed up with needing to be responsible, and that makes it hard. Yes, we do need to take care of things that our life is asking of us. Take getting to work, for example. We decide what time to leave for work and the route we’ll take. However, we don’t have control over whether or not the traffic will interfere with us getting to work on time. Bad traffic on its own is frustrating. However, when we think we should have been able to do something about it (take a different route, leave at a different time), we are blaming ourselves. But we aren’t responsible for the bad traffic. We didn’t have any control over it, to begin with. So why are we blaming ourselves?
What can we request of ourselves?
What if, when facing one of these moments, we allow ourselves to pause and remember the short list of things that we can control? We can ask ourselves, “Is this obstacle on that list?” If not, it’s OK to let go. For example, instead of saying, “Why didn’t I take the other road?” we can say, “I don’t have control over this.” We’ll probably still feel frustrated. However, when we pause and accept that this is how things are, we can let go of the blame and shame of taking personal responsibility for situations outside of our control.
How would it feel to let go and accept that there are things that we have no control over? (Relieved, calming?) What needs would that meet for us? (Peacefulness, freedom, security?)
How would meeting these needs positively affect your relationships at work and home?
