Nonviolent Communication is not a panacea that solves all problems—and yet, NVC has a critical role to play!

NVC is uniquely positioned to address extremism because it focuses on uncovering the unmet needs beneath human behaviors.

In NVC, every action is seen as an attempt to meet needs, whether security, significance, community, or something else.

By shifting the focus from judgment (“this person is dangerous”) to curiosity (“what needs are they trying to meet?”), NVC creates opportunities for understanding and constructive dialogue. …

At its heart, extremism often stems from unmet human needs. These could include needs for safety, belonging, meaning, purpose, autonomy, and/or significance.

(With regard to the last one, significance, I include it here both in the sense of mattering as well as in the sense of having power in your world. Many people have lost a sense of their needs mattering within social and political structures, as distinct from but often along with, a sense of powerlessness to address what is not working).

When these needs are persistently unfulfilled, individuals understandably give in to a temptation to meet them through rigid ideologies or groups that promise meaning, acceptance, or power.

When I say “understandably” it’s because…

Denise: When I first learned about the executive orders issued on Inauguration Day, I felt sick to my stomach. I was outraged and so very sad. I could not reconcile the reality of these words with the incomprehensibility of their intent. After a month of more government pronouncements and actions, I still find it hard. Bryn: We think the following piece reflects the heart and deep consciousness of NVC, as well as offers specific ideas for how our NVC tools can be useful during this intense time. We hope you will also find it inspiring and helpful.

The following excerpts are from an article written for PuddleDancer Press called “Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to Address the Roots and Impacts of Extremism” by Alan Rafael Seid, a CNVC Certified Trainer. …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

One of the most damaging things about believing the inner critic is that we lose our ability to trust ourselves. Instead, we begin to doubt.

“I’m not loveable.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“I’m not good enough to be accepted.”

Believing the inner critic means we are never really free from shame and unworthiness. This damages our felt sense of value, peace, self-trust, and most of all, safety. Over time this loss separates us from who we truly are.  …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

When I consider the pain and suffering in our world, I feel overwhelmed, afraid, helpless, frustrated, lost, and in grief and disbelief. I need the madness to stop. But I, myself, can’t make it stop. Still, I need something I can do. I need simple, compassionate, and doable strategies—many small ways in which I can bring peace into my life and perhaps into the life of others. Kindness is one answer. And one way to practice kindness is with the Metta Meditation. …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

In Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication, judgments are expressions of needs or values; however, they include a right/wrong, good/bad element that separates us from the humanity of the situation. Since all actions are efforts to meet universal human needs or values, judgments can separate us from that perspective and cut us off from our compassion. How can we acknowledge someone’s experience without reinforcing the judgment? …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

Listening to someone who is hurting can be a rare and welcome gift. Listening to suffering can also be challenging; Our hearts often hurt when we are near hurting hearts. Of course, we want to make things better, to reduce their suffering. That can prompt us to give advice, tell them it will be okay, join their judgments, explain, tell our stories, etc. All these actions are attempts to help the person feel better—and sometimes they do.

With Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication we try to first listen to the hurting person with empathy. …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What is it like when you are having a conversation with someone, and they are multi-tasking—perhaps looking at their phone or typing on their computer?

It probably depends on the kind of conversation. There are conversations that don’t require full attention. With the busyness of the world, we might be used to multi-tasking our communications while doing other things, and it can work.

However, if it’s something important to you, and someone is giving you partial attention, you might feel frustrated or even hurt because you want connection, consideration, and/or respect. …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What if someone says something that sparks an immediate emotional response and before any thinking or reflection, you fire back a judgment or an attack in reaction to what they’ve said? Just like that there can be a flurry of words that end in hurt, anger, and disconnection. Haven’t we all been there? …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

What are some things we (mostly) have control over? What are some things that we can’t control? … The practice of letting go is often mixed up with needing to be responsible, and that makes it hard. Yes, we do need to take care of things that our life is asking of us. Take getting to work, for example. We decide what time to leave for work and the route we’ll take. However, we don’t have control over whether or not the traffic will interfere with us getting to work on time. …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

How do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.

How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …

This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.

As human beings, we rely on our feelings and needs to inform our thinking, speaking, and actions. However, one of the most common challenges we face is having the time to connect with them. Who doesn’t feel rushed or distracted most of the time?

In our culture, it’s common practice to handle overwhelming demands and time constraints by ignoring our feelings and needs. This is one way depression, anxiety, frustration, and depletion become our companions. It’s one reason our mental health gets shaky. Why? Because feelings and needs matter. …

Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. and the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life (NVC), made it his life-long endeavor to bring peace by helping people understand the reasons why reactivity, conflict, and most violence arise. He discovered that moralistic judgments are a significant catalyst to conflict and suffering. …

I would like to share a poem with you. It’s called “Peace is This Moment Without Judgment,” by Dorothy Hunt.

Do you think peace requires an end to war?
Or tigers eating only vegetables?
Does peace require an absence from
your boss, your spouse, yourself? …