This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
What if someone says something that sparks an immediate emotional response and before any thinking or reflection, you fire back a judgment or an attack in reaction to what they’ve said? Just like that there can be a flurry of words that end in hurt, anger, and disconnection. Haven’t we all been there?
What if—when we feel angry, frustrated, etc.—we learn to notice that we are emotionally upset? What if—before we speak—we learn to pause: Perhaps even consciously closing our mouth, giving ourselves time to breathe deeply and connect with ourselves?
When we are reacting, we are repeating old automatic habits. When we pause to respond, we are allowing ourselves to practice new habits and skills that can foster better communication and connection.
When we pause, we might even say, “I’m pausing because I’d rather respond to that rather than react—I need a minute.” And then use that time to breathe and connect with your values so you can contribute to the relationship rather than damage it.
Even if it’s a conversation that’s not emotionally charged, what a gift it might be to slow down and say, “Let me think about that. I’m not sure.”
There’s a lot of pressure to move through life quickly, including in our communication. By slowing down, we can make our lives more wonderful. We can create more thoughtful and considerate conversations and nurture our relationships.
One place to start: Pause, connect, and then respond. In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh: “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”
