I’d like to share a recommendation from my dear friend, Eliza: To Be In Awe— WISDOM from a 96-year-old. This film features Dot Fisher-Smith, an elder from Ashland, Oregon. She's invited to speak about her life today, and I think she does this with a great deal of beauty, calm, and awe. …
Read moreA poem for our times
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I was going through some of the newsletter articles we’ve collected on our website when I came across this poem,: “Peace is This Moment Without Judgment,” by Dorothy Hunt, which is worth sharing again.
Peace is this moment without judgment. So, without expectations and blame. Without shoulds, have-to’s, and musts. And without trying to be something I am not.
In this poem, the poet tells us that the heart space is the place where everything is welcome. This can be challenging because not everything that arrives here is happy and wonderful. …
Read moreIf you can’t do it all, what about doing a little bit?
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As 2023 has come to a close and 2024 opened its doors, I’ve been giving consideration to what I want for this coming year. I know many people think about this as setting a New Year’s resolution, but as my friend Genevieve says, “That can be tricky.” If we’re not careful we can easily set a perfectionistic goal instead of one that’s doable. Because I too am a recovering perfectionist, this is something I want to avoid.
I’d been mulling this over when another friend, Suz, told me how she would answer this question. She said instead of focusing on a fixed goal she might ask herself, “For this new year, what needs do I have that continue to remain unmet?”
This got me thinking. What are my needs for the new year? What are the first steps? And how will I know when they’re met? For me, there’s a lot of flow, ease, and permission-giving in approaching the big question this way. So, I decided to give it a try, and I’d like to share my answers with you. …
Read moreA Beauty of Needs Practice
Photo by Bryn Hazell
When thinking about the beauty of needs like gratitude, celebration, and appreciation, the early morning view from my window comes to mind.
I see the sunrise and my entire being is flooded with whatever chemicals we produce when we experience a joy so powerful that our entire body feels that joy. My breath pauses. Tears well up. My throat and chest feel a surge like… love?
I’m nearly speechless, “Wow! Wow! Wow!”
What an incredible gift to see and to appreciate this spectacular event. What a gift is nature and its beauty. …
Read moreEquanimity in Today’s World
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Recently, I’ve been involved in conversations concerning how to be in the world with the terrible violence of wars, climate change, political division, and social disconnection between groups and ideologies.
People say they don’t want to ignore what’s going on in the world and at the same time they don’t want to be so overwhelmed by events that they numb out and lose their life energy.
How to be in the world with what might be called “equanimity”? …
Read moreSanctuary
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Many years ago, I had just returned home from work, and right away I was mad at my daughter for not doing her homework. She asked me, “Are you mad at me or are you mad about what happened at work today?” The truth was, I was mad about work. That was what had all my attention. In that space, there wasn’t much room for, “Hi Honey, how was your day?”
In my experience, it can be difficult to have an open heart when it’s already too tired, and our focus is on what’s wrong. Neither of these conditions leaves much room for connection. This is a helpful thing to notice. Because, if we notice when we don’t want to connect, we can also notice when we need to rest and reset. …
Read moreEarthCare: Doable Actions for a Healthier Planet
This post introduces a new series—EarthCare: Doable Actions for a Healthier Planet
What does Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication (or NVC) have to do with the health of our planet? NVC cultivates life-serving awareness of needs like health, safety, peace, vitality, fairness, balance, and compassion; and seeks to meet these needs through peaceful and doable actions. …
Read moreWhen it’s all TOO MUCH
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This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
When I consider the pain and suffering in our world, I feel overwhelmed, afraid, helpless, frustrated, lost, and in grief and disbelief. I need the madness to stop. But I, myself, can’t make it stop. Still, I need something I can do. I need simple, compassionate, and doable strategies—many small ways in which I can bring peace into my life and perhaps into the life of others. Kindness is one answer. And one way to practice kindness is with the Metta Meditation. …
Read morePeace through Listening
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This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
Listening to someone who is hurting can be a rare and welcome gift. Listening to suffering can also be challenging; Our hearts often hurt when we are near hurting hearts. Of course, we want to make things better, to reduce their suffering. That can prompt us to give advice, tell them it will be okay, join their judgments, explain, tell our stories, etc. All these actions are attempts to help the person feel better—and sometimes they do.
With Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication we try to first listen to the hurting person with empathy. …
Read moreCreating Space in Your Life
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This post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
How do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.
How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …
Read moreA Celebration for: Braver Angels!
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For the last 20+ years, I’ve been sharing and practicing Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication because I strongly believe communication is the key to healthier individuals, better relationships, and peaceful resolution of conflict.
I’ve offered—and will continue to offer—classes that help people learn and practice these communication skills that I find so life-changing, life-enriching, and necessary.
Recently I was very excited to learn of a nonprofit called Braver Angels that also teaches people how to listen and speak with the goal of resolving differences nonviolently. Braver Angels is particularly trying to address the Red/Blue divide in the U.S. …
Read moreThe Enemy!
Photo by GR Stocks
It seems that much of political communication these days contains words that characterize the “other” as evil and dangerous. People don’t just disagree: The other side is the “enemy.” I’ve seen this “enemy” labeling language being used by many sides, not just the most extreme groups, and I feel scared and worried about our ability to work out our differences peacefully. When I say peacefully, I don’t mean (necessarily) quietly. I mean courageously, passionately, and with respectful listening, speaking, and communication—and, eventually, collaboration toward strategies.
Nonviolent Communication founder Marshall Rosenberg talked about the danger of enemy images. When people become an “enemy,” they become a “thing,” rather than another complicated human like us. When people become a “thing,” they can be seen as bad or evil, and then violence can become acceptable. I believe we are seeing violence because the “other” has been labeled “evil,” “dangerous,” “anti-American,” and so on.
How can we help foster peace, rather than violence? …
Read moreSave or Savor?
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Every morning I awake torn between a desire to save the world and an inclination to savor it. This makes it hard to plan the day. But if we forget to savor the world, what possible reason do we have for saving it? In a way, the savoring must come first. ~ E.B. White
A friend’s email included the above quote this week, and after reading it I said to myself, YES! That’s how I often feel.
I like to start my day with an early morning walk when I can feel the cool air, enjoy the peace, see the morning light, and take in the beauty that surrounds me. Ahh… savor!
Identifying one of my aspirations in life as “saving the world” is not energizing for me. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It does not inspire me. I do love the quote though, and it got me thinking that rather than saving the world, it’s more motivating for me to think, “What can I do today?” …
Read moreGrace
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I like the word “Grace.”
I’ve been working on a definition of what it means to me. Here’s my current definition: Accepting the difficulties and challenges that life brings with a peaceful flow of awareness that encourages thoughtful and kind actions.
It’s a feeling and a need for me.
Lately, with the physical, emotional, and mental challenges that aging brings to my life (and to that of many of my friends and family), I’ve been thinking more about grace. …
Read moreAn invitation: to feel, to see, to live
I wanted to write a paragraph or two about the deep joy of being alive and being present for the beauty life offers. How grateful I am that NVC has encouraged me to be more aware, to consciously take in the needs met in special moments.
I enjoy the goldfinches at the backyard bird feeder outside my window. How delighted I feel to watch these brilliantly yellow birds. The perfect yellow is so intense that I feel a bit shocked and catch my breath at nature's handiwork.
And then I came across "Invitation," a poem by Mary Oliver, who writes so wonderfully what I wanted to say. …
Read moreA Snowy Day in December
photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
I’m looking out the window at a wintery white landscape with falling snow. A robin is bouncing around on the dark branches of a leafless tree in my front yard. It jumps from branch to branch, turning its head this way and that, searching for any berries that others may have missed. It’s cold outside. The light is gray.
A few years ago, I found a book called, “The Little Book of Hygge” (pronounced HOO-GA). It brought me a wonderful new perspective on winter evenings (and sometimes days), which has enriched my life and I have shared with many others. …
Read moreCreating Your Holiday
One of the gifts of Compassionate/ Nonviolent Communication is utilizing our knowledge of needs to empower ourselves to live our values. We can choose to create our experience by focusing our actions to be in alignment with what we would like in the world. When needs are met, we feel more joyful, satisfied, and peaceful.
Here’s one example of using intentions and actions to create what you want:
Self-Care. Do your best to stay well-rested and relaxed. Prepare for being with others by listening to music, resting, taking a walk, meditating, etc., so your system will support your peaceful heart and your intentions.
Focus on what needs/ values you want to meet, what experience you would like to have. Set your intention and your actions. For example:
Self-compassion. Acknowledge your feelings/ needs with friendly caring and without judgment. If you are tired or stressed…
Thank you from Bryn & Board
A couple of days ago I stopped by 803 SW Industrial Way to check Suite 200 and our mail. I check the space periodically to make sure it’s still okay, hasn’t flooded, etc. Everything looked good, and I felt such a mix of happiness and sadness seeing our sweet space. So many wonderful, fun, touching, moving, learning, spiritual, affectionate, astonishing moments many of us have shared in that gentle space, overseen by our scarf-wearing 6’ giraffe. How many times did people say on arriving, “Oh, I just feel better walking into this place!” …
Read moreEnvision a world where needs will be valued equally and met peacefully
Photo credit: Aaron Tani
Today is June 2 and I participated in a demonstration in downtown Bend. Hundreds of people gathered and then marched to show empathy, anger, and grief—calling for change around the issues arising from the death of George Floyd, the black man in Minneapolis who died with a policeman’s knee on his neck.
Many if not most of the people demonstrating appeared to be in their teens, 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s. I felt heartened to see so many young people participating. They were calling for racial justice, the end to police brutality, accountability, and valuing Black Lives. Many people in passing cars honked in support.
A few Bend police officers were there to “make sure everyone gets to go home safely” as one officer said to me. I saw these police engaged in friendly conversation with demonstrators and then stepping in when traffic help was needed to make sure cars and pedestrians could all pass. They were there to protect.
One of the tenets of Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication is that we envision a world where all people’s needs will be valued equally and met peacefully. Today’s demonstration and the following statement help to bring me hope and encouragement.
Message from Bend Police Chief Jim Porter: …
Read moreHow to Cultivate More Inner Peace
Photo credit: Denise Torres
Suggestions from the Tuesday Practice Group:
Leave for appointments early. Allow time so no rushing needed.
Put things in their place so when I go to find them, they are there.
Balance order with ease—what’s my balance for inner peace?
Remind myself what I have influence and control over and what I don’t. What’s mine? What’s not mine? …
