I recently wrote an article titled “Do something!” The gist was if we have an unmet need, the action step of NVC—the request—is how we meet the need and how we move from frustration and helplessness toward satisfaction and relief.
For much of my life, I felt helpless when my needs were not met. NVC changed my life by teaching me that I can take action to meet my needs. … If taking a step to meet a need seems to be more than we can manage, then perhaps the first step is to build capacity. …
Read moreI’d like to share a recommendation from my dear friend, Eliza: To Be In Awe— WISDOM from a 96-year-old. This film features Dot Fisher-Smith, an elder from Ashland, Oregon. She's invited to speak about her life today, and I think she does this with a great deal of beauty, calm, and awe. …
Read moreA few weeks ago, I wrote about how the dictum “work before play” made sure that “everyday needs” would win out over my needs for fun and play nearly every time. Once I realized this, I immediately saw this “work ethic” as a self-limiting belief, and I set about to make a change.
It’s been fun! It’s also been very eye-opening. …
Read moreLast fall Michael and I needed help with our dog Sofia. She’s a very sweet pup. However, about six months ago we had some changes at the house that really stressed her out, which of course, stressed us out too.
Here’s what we’ve learned since then. Dogs are like our mirrors. What we feel, they feel. …
Read moreThis post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
How do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.
How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …
Read moreThis post is part of our weekly series of peacemaking practices during the Season of Nonviolence.
As human beings, we rely on our feelings and needs to inform our thinking, speaking, and actions. However, one of the most common challenges we face is having the time to connect with them. Who doesn’t feel rushed or distracted most of the time?
In our culture, it’s common practice to handle overwhelming demands and time constraints by ignoring our feelings and needs. This is one way depression, anxiety, frustration, and depletion become our companions. It’s one reason our mental health gets shaky. Why? Because feelings and needs matter. …
Read moreI like the word “Grace.”
I’ve been working on a definition of what it means to me. Here’s my current definition: Accepting the difficulties and challenges that life brings with a peaceful flow of awareness that encourages thoughtful and kind actions.
It’s a feeling and a need for me.
Lately, with the physical, emotional, and mental challenges that aging brings to my life (and to that of many of my friends and family), I’ve been thinking more about grace. …
Read moreI’m looking out the window at a wintery white landscape with falling snow. A robin is bouncing around on the dark branches of a leafless tree in my front yard. It jumps from branch to branch, turning its head this way and that, searching for any berries that others may have missed. It’s cold outside. The light is gray.
A few years ago, I found a book called, “The Little Book of Hygge” (pronounced HOO-GA). It brought me a wonderful new perspective on winter evenings (and sometimes days), which has enriched my life and I have shared with many others. …
Read moreOne of the gifts of Compassionate/ Nonviolent Communication is utilizing our knowledge of needs to empower ourselves to live our values. We can choose to create our experience by focusing our actions to be in alignment with what we would like in the world. When needs are met, we feel more joyful, satisfied, and peaceful.
Here’s one example of using intentions and actions to create what you want:
Self-Care. Do your best to stay well-rested and relaxed. Prepare for being with others by listening to music, resting, taking a walk, meditating, etc., so your system will support your peaceful heart and your intentions.
Focus on what needs/ values you want to meet, what experience you would like to have. Set your intention and your actions. For example:
Read moreWelcome to the New Year! For some of us, getting to January 1st brings a sigh of relief—the holidays are over and things can get back to normal. For others, it’s the New Year itself that might feel groundless: “Where am I going? What am I doing?” Of course, there are those who embrace it all without distress. However, if you are one of those who struggles with this time of year, I’d like to share an NVC practice that I think might be helpful.
Read moreIt’s apparently part of our human wiring to have a strong focus on what isn’t working, and comparatively a rather weak focus on what is going well. However, it turns out that we can change this through the practice of noticing and savoring the good stuff—those moments when needs are met. Using this practice, we become aware of the wonderful feelings that arise at those moments, and this creates a delightful loop of noticing and enjoying them more often. Even more wonderful, drinking in these good moments feeds the heart, mind, and spirit by filling up our often-depleted energy reserves.
Here are some practices you can try that support growing an awareness of needs met.
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