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Not all roads in life are smoothly paved, as we know. Some are muddy or gravelly or have huge ditches. Sometimes trees have fallen across them or there are live wires nearby. These challenging times can become part of the inner voice that reminds us that bad things happen.
This same voice tells us that terrible things will probably continue to happen, and this worry pushes us to figure out how we can try to prevent them. It’s how the brain’s negativity bias works. …
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A few days ago I received a newsletter from Rick Hanson, PhD entitled “Feed the Wolf of Love.”
It provides a helpful reminder (especially during this election season)…
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“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.” …
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When I consider the pain and suffering in our world, I feel overwhelmed, afraid, helpless, frustrated, lost, and in grief and disbelief. I need the madness to stop. But I, myself, can’t make it stop. Still, I need something I can do. I need simple, compassionate, and doable strategies—many small ways in which I can bring peace into my life and perhaps into the life of others. Kindness is one answer. And one way to practice kindness is with the Metta Meditation. …
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How do you manage your day? If you have a habit of over-scheduling or leaving “just enough time” to get where you are going, you might find yourself feeling stressed and nervous as you rush through your day, harried and harassed. If there is someone driving slowly or there is more traffic than usual or you come upon a construction project, you might find yourself angry at each delay, and you arrive at your meeting in a state of anxiety and frustration, irritated with the world.
How about choosing to start a habit that allows you to move through life with more calm and with the ability to show up as your better self? …
Read more“It’s hard to have sympathy for people who are dying of Covid. It’s their own fault!”
Those are the words I heard from a person who usually has lots of empathy and compassion for people and their troubles. I get why they said it.
If I guess their feelings and needs, perhaps:
Feelings: Frustrated, irritated, amazed, confused, confounded, angry.
Needs: Health/life, responsibility, awareness, shared reality.
I understand why he said what he did. We all have the same needs as my acquaintance. My reason for bringing this up is not to correct him (or anyone), but rather to contrast being in judgment with adding compassion to our needs/values. …
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Photo credit: Greg Rakozy
Wow! It was just a few weeks ago that some of us were thinking, “Could things get any crazier?” Well, the answer is obviously, “Yes!” I find it hard to take it in, and rather than overwhelmed, I feel some flavor of “shocked,” sort of like watching wide-eyed and open-mouthed without even having the ability to process it all.
I have learned to ration my news intake, finding my ability to notice a bodily feeling of dis-ease as a sign to turn off the news …
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Photo credit: Denise Torres
Suggestions from the Tuesday Practice Group:
Leave for appointments early. Allow time so no rushing needed.
Put things in their place so when I go to find them, they are there.
Balance order with ease—what’s my balance for inner peace?
Remind myself what I have influence and control over and what I don’t. What’s mine? What’s not mine? …
“Train in the Snow” by Claude Monet
Not only did we have bountiful snow this past week, but we also had bountiful needs met by all of the many helping hands and hearts that showed up.
Friends and family members told me stories of neighbors jumping in to help with shoveling, snow blowing, and roof raking. One friend who finds it hard to ask for help was so worried about the deepening snow on the roof that she screwed up her courage and requested to borrow a roof rake—and was happily rewarded when the owners were delighted to be asked. …
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Photo credit: Joanne Diepenheim
Are you familiar with the Metta or Loving Kindness Meditation? The Metta is a heartfelt wish for our own well-being and the well-being of others. It is said in ever-widening circles. We start first by saying it for ourselves. This is my version:
May I be filled with kindness for my heart.
May I be well in body and mind, and safe from inner and outer danger.
May I be happy, peaceful, and free.
I wanted to share some recent feedback from How to Be Kind to Yourself. I love this class, where we share our insights, questions, and investigations together—I learn so much each time!
~ Denise.
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Photo credit: Joanne and Kees Diepenheim
At a recent practice group, we talked about the upcoming holidays and the mixed bag they can be for some of us. We explored what needs each of us wants to meet and we used that exercise in awareness to set our intentions for those needs.
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Photo credit: Aaron Tani
Inner critics arise because in the past we’ve been penalized or punished for something that others thought, or that we thought we should have or shouldn’t have done. Having been punished in the past, our brain is wired to avoid it in the future. It does this by sending us warnings, often in the form of accusations, judgments, or threats. With practice, we can alter this process by using NVC.
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Photo credit: Barb Troyer
Recently I had the good fortune to attend a 3-day Vipassana retreat where we spent a great deal of time in silence and meditation. Because there was so much quiet, it became easier to notice judgments as they arose. “She’s doing it wrong.” “I hate not being able to connect.” “That poor woman looks like she’s really struggling." Noticing this, I would return to my practice, find my center, and start again.
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Center for Compassionate Living
c/o Denise Torres
1516 NE Locksley Drive
Bend, OR 97701
541-350-6517