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Recently, I’ve been involved in conversations concerning how to be in the world with the terrible violence of wars, climate change, political division, and social disconnection between groups and ideologies.
People say they don’t want to ignore what’s going on in the world and at the same time they don’t want to be so overwhelmed by events that they numb out and lose their life energy.
How to be in the world with what might be called “equanimity”? …
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Relationships are fluid and flow with interdependence, so boundaries aren’t set in concrete. However, if you find yourself frustrated that your boundaries aren’t respected, it’s empowering to know that you’re the one who can make them firm. It may not be easy, but it’s important so that we don’t build up resentment toward others for not respecting our boundaries.
Setting a boundary for ourselves might sound like …
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What is it like when you are having a conversation with someone, and they are multi-tasking—perhaps looking at their phone or typing on their computer?
It probably depends on the kind of conversation. There are conversations that don’t require full attention. With the busyness of the world, we might be used to multi-tasking our communications while doing other things, and it can work.
However, if it’s something important to you, and someone is giving you partial attention, you might feel frustrated or even hurt because you want connection, consideration, and/or respect. …
Read moreWhat are some things we (mostly) have control over? What are some things that we can’t control? … The practice of letting go is often mixed up with needing to be responsible, and that makes it hard. Yes, we do need to take care of things that our life is asking of us. Take getting to work, for example. We decide what time to leave for work and the route we’ll take. However, we don’t have control over whether or not the traffic will interfere with us getting to work on time. …
Read moreAs human beings, we rely on our feelings and needs to inform our thinking, speaking, and actions. However, one of the most common challenges we face is having the time to connect with them. Who doesn’t feel rushed or distracted most of the time?
In our culture, it’s common practice to handle overwhelming demands and time constraints by ignoring our feelings and needs. This is one way depression, anxiety, frustration, and depletion become our companions. It’s one reason our mental health gets shaky. Why? Because feelings and needs matter. …
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Sometimes I notice a reluctance to have compassion for another person. I might be afraid that if I have compassion for them, I will lose myself and not have my needs met. I may even have a habit of letting compassion for others stop me from having compassion for myself and speaking up for my needs.
For example: Me – “So the reason you said, ‘Shut up’ to me is that you were tired and overwhelmed and your boss just yelled at you. Is that right?”… I used to stop there and not address how hearing, “Shut up” was for me. …
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When someone asks us to do something, why do we say “Yes” when we want to say “No”?
Here are a few different reasons:
It sounds good at the time I’m asked.
I want to be nice.
I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
I feel like I should do it.
I’m afraid to say no—maybe they’ll get angry.
Maybe you can think of some others that come up for you? …
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Center for Compassionate Living
c/o Denise Torres
1516 NE Locksley Drive
Bend, OR 97701
541-350-6517
