“Nine in ten Americans say overcoming divisiveness is now more important than ever before.”
New Public Agenda/USA Today poll April 2021
CCL Board Member Beth Hanson brought this poll result to my attention and wondered if we could encourage people to see our similarities and commonalities as a way to reduce divisiveness. To me, divisiveness results from a loss of human connection.
One of the many gifts of Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication is bringing awareness to what we share as Americans, as human beings. NVC acknowledges the commonality of feelings and universal human needs. We all value trust, safety, respect, belonging, being seen and heard, and the rest of the needs that Marshall Rosenberg described as making life more wonderful.
One of the best ways I know how to reduce divisiveness is to be more conscious of my thoughts and to be careful with my language. When I talk about people who have different perspectives, do I label them and use derogatory words? Or do I pause and try to be curious about what needs they may be trying to meet? I don’t do this to be “nice.” I do this because I don’t want to feed the enemy images that result in divisiveness and a loss of connection.
I notice there is often a negative reaction to my trying to understand someone who has a different viewpoint, particularly when they express themselves with harsh or nasty words. To me, understanding someone does not mean approval or agreement. It means I’m trying to see the human being and increase compassion and connection in my world.
I could criticize their viewpoints and their language, which would not create connection. Or I could try to understand what needs or values they are expressing, acknowledge them, and see their humanity. I can then disagree with their perspective, but without reducing them to a thing or a label, or a “them” vs. “us.” I can also express my experience and my needs or values from my unique perspective. It makes connection possible, and I have not found that calling other people names and labeling them has led to more connected relationships.
If I want less divisiveness, I think it helps to practice more compassion and connection.
What do you think about this idea and this practice?
