Many years ago, I had just returned home from work, and right away I was mad at my daughter for not doing her homework. She asked me, “Are you mad at me or are you mad about what happened at work today?” The truth was, I was mad about work. That was what had all my attention. In that space, there wasn’t much room for, “Hi Honey, how was your day?”
In my experience, it can be difficult to have an open heart when it’s already too tired, and our focus is on what’s wrong. Neither of these conditions leaves much room for connection. This is a helpful thing to notice. Because, if we notice when we don’t want to connect, we can also notice when we need to rest and reset.
The Oxford Dictionary defines sanctuary as a place of refuge or safety. Pausing to notice is like finding a quiet sanctuary—a place where we can step back from the noisy thoughts and emotions that are draining us, and just be.
As an observer, we separate ourselves from experience and this lets us simply listen to what’s going on—like we might notice and listen to a bird’s song. Where’s it coming from? What’s it saying? Or, in our case, “What am I telling myself? What am I needing?” Asking these questions shifts our intention from trying to make things “right” to what matters in this moment.
Pausing to listen deeply gives us the reset button we’re seeking. It’s here we can rest in the knowledge that we know what we feel and what we need, and can probably make a good guess as to how to go about taking action. This reopens the door to connection.
Maybe being in our sanctuary starts with a warm blanket and a cuddly pup. Maybe it’s lighting a candle or sitting with a cup of tea. At work, it could be stepping out for five minutes and getting a breath of fresh air. What would work for you?
