It seems that much of political communication these days contains words that characterize the “other” as evil and dangerous. People don’t just disagree: The other side is the “enemy.” I’ve seen this “enemy” labeling language being used by many sides, not just the most extreme groups, and I feel scared and worried about our ability to work out our differences peacefully. When I say peacefully, I don’t mean (necessarily) quietly. I mean courageously, passionately, and with respectful listening, speaking, and communication—and, eventually, collaboration toward strategies.
Nonviolent Communication founder Marshall Rosenberg talked about the danger of enemy images. When people become an “enemy,” they become a “thing,” rather than another complicated human like us. When people become a “thing,” they can be seen as bad or evil, and then violence can become acceptable. I believe we are seeing violence because the “other” has been labeled “evil,” “dangerous,” “anti-American,” and so on.
How can we help foster peace, rather than violence?
As we practice Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication, we try to uncover our enemy images and then look more deeply for the unmet needs behind these images. If I see someone as a “racist,” what is it that they are specifically doing? (Observation) What needs are not met by what they are doing? Can I acknowledge my deepest feelings? What would I like to happen? (Specific/Doable Requests). Will the person or group do it just because I ask? Probably not. Can I make an effort to understand their hopes, fears, and needs? That’s the beginning of a conversation, a back-and-forth, if possible; it’s how we work things out peacefully in a diverse society.
And if we can’t engage the other side, are we to throw up our hands and give up? Or can we persevere with patience and commitment, seeking respectful strategies to meet everyone’s needs and values as best we can?
I believe that this practice and perspective is so important if we are to prevent more violence in our lives and in our culture. For me, nonviolence is staying connected to our humanity and the humanity of others by focusing on universal human needs.
I understand the desire to name-call and be “right”—it can feel satisfying in the moment. I’ve lived my life in this same culture that labels, name calls, and shames. It’s a deep habit of thinking, and it comes to me without invitation because it is pervasive: it is the water we swim in.
It’s the effect of spoken and shared judgments—the separation or disconnection from ourselves or between us and others—that lingers and sickens the heart and spirit. My judgments do not meet my needs for connection, hope, compassion, and understanding (and in the long run peace, either internally or externally).
I’m willing to do my best to refrain from using or supporting “enemy" language and instead look for the needs underneath the judgments.
How do you feel about what I’ve written? Would you like to join me? I would love to know how this lands for you because I seek connection and learning. Please comment here or send me an email.
~ Bryn
