Last fall Michael and I needed help with our dog Sofia. She’s a very sweet pup. However, about six months ago we had some changes at the house that really stressed her out, which of course, stressed us out too.

Here’s what we’ve learned since then. Dogs are like our mirrors. What we feel, they feel. So, when we’re nervous, confused, or insecure so are they; and their reaction as anxious, scared dogs is to be aggressive or destructive. This means at our house when Sofia would bark and run around like a crazy dog, we’d yell at her to stop. But our stressful reaction added to her stress, and that led to more reactive behavior.

To end this cycle, we needed a new strategy. We needed to make a shift from letting her behavior get to us, to understanding it as an expression of her needs. As a stressed and insecure dog, she needed us to show her calm confidence so she could know she was safe.

Calm confidence comes with knowing that if I’m calm Sofia will eventually become calm too. At first, I wasn’t sure I could do it, and I’m pretty sure Sofia wasn’t convinced that I could either. But I knew that others had been successful with this strategy so I had faith it would work.

I’m glad to report that practicing being calm and confident with her has changed our relationship completely. As she has learned to trust me, she is much more happy-go-lucky and relaxed. When I experience calm confidence, I feel joyful and free of worry. She trusts that I’ll make sure she’s OK. And I trust her to listen and relax. Win-win.

If you’re curious about cultivating calm confidence I suggest watching Cesar Milan’s show, Better Humans Better Dogs.

If you try this out, please let me know. I would love to hear from you.

P.S. While writing this article I couldn’t help noticing the similarities between my experience with Sofia and NVC. Maybe you see it too. 😊