“It’s hard to have sympathy for people who are dying of Covid. It’s their own fault!”
Those are the words I heard from a person who usually has lots of empathy and compassion for people and their troubles. I get why they said it.
If I guess their feelings and needs, perhaps:
Feelings: Frustrated, irritated, amazed, confused, confounded, angry.
Needs: Health/life, responsibility, awareness, shared reality.
I understand why he said what he did. We all have the same needs as my acquaintance. My reason for bringing this up is not to correct him (or anyone), but rather to contrast being in judgment with adding compassion to our needs/values.
By adding compassion to the needs we want to meet, we can feel through the frustration and anger, and we can move to a feeling of sadness.
I seek to make that shift in me because I feel more connected and grounded in my body and my values when I am in compassion rather than judgment. When I am connected, I am more likely to speak and behave in ways that I value rather than regret.
With compassion, I become more connected to the human condition: all of us doing our best to get our needs met in the best way we know how (based on our current situation and our life experiences). I know that because of that human-ness, we can pick tragic ways to meet our needs.
When we don’t acknowledge our own values/needs for kindness and compassion, I believe we are shutting off an important part of ourselves. I believe that feeling sad is part of being alive. I fear that disconnection from our hearts can harden us to others and ourselves.
How does it feel when you are in judgment? How can they be so stupid?! vs. I am so sad that people are dying because they are afraid of being vaccinated. With the judgment, my body and my mind are agitated. With the second, I feel alive and connected to my heart and values.
I yearn for compassion in our world. These are such hard concepts for me to write about. I wonder if I am making sense to you? I wonder if you recognize or experience what I am describing? Or are you confused and wondering what the heck I am trying to say? If either of those (or whatever your reaction), I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at: bryn@compassionatecenter.org.
