When we’re learning Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication, we practice with the four steps: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests.

Practicing these steps, learning the vocabulary, clarifying what’s a feeling, what’s a need, and what’s a request is more complicated than it seems at first.

However, practice does work, and eventually, those steps become easier… Finally, requests and observations can be made in more conversational language.

But it turns out there’s still more to do to prepare for a connecting conversation!

Here are some questions that can help us get ready:

Am I in a fairly calm physical and emotional state? (It’s harder to be receptive when our bodies are in a reactive state.)
Am I entering the conversation with the intention to connect (to share my feelings and needs and to receive/hear their feelings and needs?) Am I clear that my goal is not to get them to do what I want them to do?
Am I making the request with the consciousness that a “no” is an invitation for more connection? (The “no” is a “yes” to some other need/s.)
Am I ready/willing to hold the other person’s needs with the same interest and care as my own?
Am I flexible as I approach the conversation so that I can flow with different needs that may come up, and am I willing to be open to them?
Am I willing to go slowly?
Am I willing to continue the conversation at another time if either of us needs space and time to resource themselves?

There’s more to Compassionate Communication than seems obvious at the beginning! And in my experience, practice will help integrate all of this into a more available and natural ability to connect.

~ Bryn