In the old days before NVC, I would find out that I was tired and grumpy AFTER I had done something that I regretted. (And of course, sometimes I still do this because I’m a HUMAN).

However, more often now I recognize how I’m feeling (thanks to a lot of practice). Not only can I connect to myself with some compassion, but I can also communicate to others what’s going on and they don’t have to try to figure out, “What they did” or “Is she mad?” or whatever stories might make sense of my behavior.

It’s revolutionary! Tell people how I’m feeling and prevent the confusion, hurt, and irritation that comes from my having a jackal outbreak or staying silent.

An example ~

Me: I’m feeling rather tired and grumpy—nothing to do with you—so I’m going to have some quiet time for a while to see if that helps. I just wanted to let you know what’s up with me. Ok?

Them: Of course. Thanks for letting me know. I hope it helps.

Ta-da! It works for all kinds of situations when I can communicate what’s going on with me with feelings, needs, and requests. I give and get more connection—and have less to regret.

Love this stuff.