Compassionate Communication supports acknowledging what’s happening (observations), feeling the feelings that arise from that stimulus, connecting to the needs and values that those feelings signal, and then creating doable requests or actions to meet those needs.
Feeling the feelings and the sensations is such an important part of the process, and yet it is only one step. We acknowledge our experience with a loving and caring, “I see and hear you.” And then we identify needs and use our creativity to develop doable requests to meet the needs. These actions are what move us from helplessness to empowerment and freedom.
When we can’t meet needs in the way that we are used to, we think of new ways to meet those needs rather than grasp onto our old strategies and stay in needs-not-met land. Then it’s important to take in and acknowledge the feelings that arise from meeting the needs differently.
For example, there is not much hugging going on these days. We used to hug each other at the end of our practice groups (and the beginning sometimes too!). Now at the end of Zoom practice group, we throw kisses, make hugs toward each other with our arms, hug ourselves— it is all so sweet, and I want to take it in. I feel delighted and touched. My heart feels bigger. I feel the tears in my throat. My needs for affection and connection are met in this new and different way.
I send you kisses and hugs with my arms outstretched toward you.
Can you feel it?
